The Top 12 Problems with the Third Child

The Top 12 Problems with the Third Child

the third


  1. She’s a psychic vampire – draining me of energy way more than the other two ever could’ve done. She keeps me moving.


  1. She’s a buzzkill – arriving at a time when I was so over dealing with breast pads and play dates. She helps me realize what’s important.


  1. She’s a weed – growing up at a staggering rate – for some reason more quickly than the others. She forces me to stop and savor every single baby moment before it flies away.


  1. She’s a neurotic – unable to deal with missing a thing, she defies sleep – late to bed and early to rise. She keeps me efficient.


  1. She’s an obsessive compulsive – she can’t go without her weekly Gymboree fix– we’re forced to hang with the insecure first-time moms. She makes me realize I’m happy at my stage in life.


  1. She’s a wrecking ball– treating our new home as a giant play center – she finds innovative uses for my mother-of-pearl wine coasters and builds forts with my custom pillows. She forces me to be more easy-going.


  1. She’s a yenta – hanging with me at the coffee shop, enticing me with Cold Stone Creamery and keeping me from exercising – she’s made me fat again at forty years old. She challenges me.


  1. She’s an addict – hooked on sippy cups, they show up everywhere in my life (like Waldo) and I have to keep track of the damn stoppers. She keeps me organized.


  1. She’s a nosey neighbor – convinced she’s missing out on middle-of-the night shenanigans (which sadly aren’t occurring much these days because of her visits) she comes to our bed, for cuddles. She nourishes my soul.


  1. She’s a tyrant – oppressing me with constant bubble-blowing, finger-painting, cozy-coupe-riding, fake-food cooking and Peppa Pig watching. She shows me what’s important in life.


  1. She’s a master manipulator – who’s fastened a vice grip on my heart – turning it a notch tighter each day by showering me with moments that I secretly know will never come again (seriously, not ever). She teaches me about appreciation.


  1. She’s a gift – bringing a joy to my life that’s different, not better, just different than the joy the others brought. And that’s the whole damn problem.

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