My Son’s Twinkie Cake

My Son’s Twinkie Cake

My Son’s Twinkie Birthday Cake

 

Last Monday was my son’s 7th birthday. It was his ‘real’ birthday. We’d already had two other celebrations (one for family and one with friends) so I was just about done. But, and I know it’s my fault, all of my children expect a homemade cake on their birthdays. So, this year my son got a ‘Twinkie’ cake. And, when I say ‘cake’ I mean that I unwrapped a bunch of Twinkies and Ho-Hos and stacked them on a plate log cabin style. I topped this off with mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups affixed with Hershey’s Syrup glue and a candle. If I had planned ahead I could’ve made a real Twinkie cake but I didn’t plan ahead. Before judging me as a terrible mother please read and see how this concoction came to be:

 

4:50 am           I woke up with a cup of coffee and got straight to writing and making my social media updates because of the pressure I’ve now put on myself by running a blog.

 

6:30 am           I cajoled (okay yelled at) the kids to get ready for school for about an hour, as I do every morning. I made special chocolate chip pancakes for my son’s birthday breakfast because, yes, I started this ritual at some point but I don’t remember when. I wrangled the little urchins into the minivan for school drop-off threatening to tell the principal if they didn’t stop beating each other up in the backseat.

 

9:30 am           I went to work at my youngest daughter’s pre-school – a few weeks ago I started teaching drama and creative play to toddlers for a whopping two hours per week and I’m exhausted afterward. Apparently I don’t’ get enough germs and craziness from my own children so I felt that I needed to add this to my schedule.

 

11:30 am         Yes, I knew I should’ve been baking that damn cake but I took five minutes to eat a salad with grilled chicken at the salad place instead when I would so much rather have been eating a slice of pizza. I did this in the name of staying true to my latest diet. It’s a total fad but I won’t tell the name in a post until I lose at least fifteen pounds because I don’t want to jinx it. You might be waiting for this post a while.

 

12:00 pm         I ran to Target for last minute Halloween decorations because although I had a skeleton and skeleton dog on my porch already I still felt my house hadn’t vomited up enough orange, black and bones like other houses on the block. While there, I bought trinkets to bring into my son’s class for his birthday and for his birthday box which is a school outreach program designed to give a less privileged child a chance at having a happy birthday. I also picked up a cute towel set for my guest bathroom but we can discuss that later.

 

2:00 pm           I ran home to take a pee or at least relieve myself of what was left it my bladder. Damn the post-three-kid slow leak that manifests in moist undies by mid-day. I also needed to choose a book to read in my son’s class and get to the school parking lot before all of the spots were taken up for pick up at 3:00pm.

 

2:30 pm           I got an ‘illegal’ spot in the school parking lot (all that was left) and I read the story in my son’s class. It was called THE GIANT’S LOO ROLL. I’d remembered it being funny and cute when I read it to my son a year ago. I was hoping it would be a little homage to our days spent living in London when he was a toddler. But, as I read the potty humor aloud to his class I thought maybe this wasn’t the most appropriate book to bring in for school. Oh well, what was done was done. Under the shocked gaze of my son’s teacher, I handed out the paddle ball trinkets to the kids.

 

3:00 pm           I picked up my kids from school.

 

3:15 pm           I dropped the oldest at home with my sitter to get her homework finished. I took the other two to their respective sports classes at the park. Yes, that’s right, my two-year-old daughter is in a sports class with a paid ‘coach’. Gotta start them young. I listened to the other moms speak about after school activities and sports. The joke of the day was that some mother (me) sent her son to baseball class in a bike helmet instead of a batting helmet last week. Yes, I’m pretty funny like that but it didn’t keep me from feeling completely behind in all things sports so I made a note in my phone to work on that – order Sports Illustrated?

 

4:15 pm           I ran home to finish homework with my oldest daughter. Although I had no idea how to do her fourth grade math homework, I pretended. The school has implemented some new style math from Singapore. I discreetly calculated the answers on my phone while she did other homework and praised her when I realized the answers were all correct.  I tended to first grade homework with my son although I would’ve rather pull out my toenails one by with a pair of pliers rather than watch him create yet another number bond or number story.

 

5:00 pm           I handed off my son to my friend for our weekly carpool to Breakdancing class. I took my oldest to her acting class.

 

5:30 pm           I picked up dinner – cheeseburgers at 5 Guys because I had no time to barbeque cheeseburgers as I promised my son I would do earlier that day for his birthday. I ran to Walgreen’s hoping to find an Entenmann’s cake to substitute for the homemade one that I was starting to imagine might not get baked. Instead I found Twinkies and Ho Hos. Hmm…

 

6:00 pm           I prepared dinner by putting burgers and fries on paper ‘Happy Birthday’ plates. I took out the ingredients used to bake a cake figuring I could do it all before my son returned home at 6:45pm. I looked over at the Twinkies which were not only beckoning for me to eat them; but also to create a cake out of them. I decided to try it by stacking the confections one on top of the other. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best response from my son. I stole a few minutes from the time I would’ve spent baking the homemade cake to give my two-year-old some requisite attention. I fed the god damned dog.

 

7:00 pm           I served birthday dinner for my family and they were pretty psyched for burgers and fries although it was cold from sitting out so long.  I winced as I presented the Twinkie cake. To my chagrin, the birthday cake was received with accolades from the birthday boy and the others! I patted, no smacked myself on the back – I’ve done it again – whew!

 

8:00 pm           I gave baths and read bedtime stories. I actually fell asleep reading to the oldest and drooled on her pillow a bit but I don’t think she realized.

 

8:30 pm           Half asleep, I put on my pajamas and passed out in my bed for the night. Sex? What sex?

 

Now I ask you this: Has anyone else ever made a Twinkie and Ho Ho cake or something similar to it? Do you think I was justified in doing this (please say yes)?

 

2 Responses

  1. […] to the family that she goes to bed every night being so very thankful for? I’ll tell you. I was exhausted and frustrated from running around like a lunatic — what are the odds that I was on lunch duty and after school activity duty in the same week when […]

  2. […] to day my life is demanding. I’m only able to suspend my inner critic when I write or act (though, I haven’t done much of […]

Thanks for checking out this post. What are your thoughts?